How Morgan Freeman would narrate the opening scene of Eat Drink Man Woman (revised)

How Morgan Freeman would narrate the opening scene of Eat Drink Man Woman

            Once upon a time, there was a man who loved cooking. He loved eating fish. So the man decides to scale the fish and gut the fish. Oh, that’s nasty. I mean the man is literally ripping the intestine out of this poor fish. Now the man is cutting the fish, battering the fish, and frying the fish just like the way my momma used to cook catfish back at Mississippi. Now the man is cutting something white and exotic looking. I have no idea what this could possibly be. Maybe some kind of seafood? I dunno. Now the man is cutting something else. Man I wish I had stayed in school to learn what the hell he is making. Oooh pepper. I love some pepper. Especially orange pepper. Oooh… tasty meat. Now watch this master as he cuts this white potato thingy into small strips of pure awesomeness. Now this next thing he does is just confusing to me. He puts this meat into the fryer and, after washing the vegetables, he takes it out and puts it in a bowl of ice water. Like why man? Now he is cutting this meat and putting a bowl of stuff on top of this steaming wood thing. Doesn’t he have like a microwave or something? Ah finally a break from this cooking montage. Well this is nice. I mean he was literally cooking for about a minute and a half. Wait man what are you doing? Oh no… Please spare the chicken dear sir. And why do you have frogs on your table? I see our bowl of stuff is ready from the improvised microwave. I see you man, pouring out the sauce. Wait hold on. The guy just pours out the juice from the bowl, cooks with it, and now pours it back on top of the food he just made? That’s strange. Well the chicken did not escape to candy land. So now the guy is pouring something into the cooking pot and doing stuff. Five-seconds screensaver. Poor chicken. He was so innocent, young, and full of life.  So so sad. Is that gumbo I see? I love me some gumbo. See kids? You can horseplay in the kitchen with knives if you are an adult. An arsenal of knives. Anger issues. Real play-doh. You need to make sure you press down on the play-doh firmly in order to seal in the flavor. Yummy. Wait you have a phone?

Original post: http://jonathanlung.blogspot.com/2016/10/how-morgan-freeman-would-narrate.html